i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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