I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize