he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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