Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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