When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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