Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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