when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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