so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize