my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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