It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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