this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize