I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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