Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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