8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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