Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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