I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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