He had one of those small greek statue penises
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize