Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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