So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to have your abortion
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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