The maid of honor just puked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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