Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My penis needs a shock collar
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He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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