apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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