So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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