Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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