Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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