Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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