your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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