Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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