I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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