You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
