No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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