I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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