new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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