you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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