I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize