Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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