The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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