Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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