He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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