He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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