Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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