I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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