Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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