i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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