you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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