I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize