these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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