I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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