I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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