I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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