Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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