if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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