were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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